Sam's Clean Joke of the Day
Who is Sam anyway? Well. He is a chain smoking, heavy drinking, wheel turning son of a gun. Actually... He Drives at 83 North Transport. And He is Bill's Uncle - a real nice guy once you get to know him.
2010-07-30A woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattled off, "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were blood-shot and bugging out, and I had this lifeless look on my face! What''s wrong with me, Doctor?" The doctor looked her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly said, "Well, I can tell you that there''s nothing wrong with your eyesight."
2010-07-28
A man goes on a 2-month business trip to Europe and leaves his cat with his brother. Three days before his return he calls his brother.
Brother 1: So how is my cat doing?
Brother 2: He''s Dead
Brother 1: He''s Dead! What do you mean He''s Dead! I loved that cat. Couldn''t you think of a nicer way to tell me! I''m leaving in 3 days. You could of broke me to the news easier. You could of told me today that she got out of the house or something. Then when I called before I left you could of told me, Well, we found her but she is up on the roof and we''re having trouble getting her down. Then when I call you from the airport you could of told me, The Fire Department was there and scared her off the roof and the cat died when it hit the ground.
Brother 2: I''m sorry...you''re right...that was insensitive I won''t let it happen again.
Brother 1: Alright, alright, forget about it. Anyway, how is Mom doing?
Brother 2: She''s up on the roof and we''re having trouble getting her down.
2010-07-27
A Doctor was addressing a large audience. ''The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG.
High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realize the long-term harm caused by the
germs in our drinking water.
However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it.
Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering
for years after eating it?''
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, ''Wedding Cake.''
2010-07-26
A gushy reporter told a famous golfer, "you are spectacular - your name
is synonymous with the game of golf! You really know your way around the
course. What''s your secret?"
The golfer replied, "The holes are numbered".
2010-07-23
A woman went to the dentist''s office for a checkup and some instrumental music was playing. She was early for her appointment, but after waiting ten minutes, an elderly woman sitting beside her leaned over and said, "isn''t that just like a dentist? A waiting room jammed with people, and he''s in there playing the piano."