Sam's Clean Joke of the Day

Who is Sam anyway? Well. He is a chain smoking, heavy drinking, wheel turning son of a gun. Actually... He Drives at 83 North Transport. And He is Bill's Uncle - a real nice guy once you get to know him.

2012-02-02 00:00:00
A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured that if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old man to join him. To his surprise, the old man played fairly quickly. He didn''t hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn''t waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball and directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot, the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age, I''d hit the ball right over that tree." With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally laid. The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age, that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."

2012-02-01 00:00:00
A itty-bitty turtle starts to climb a tree very slowly. After many hours, he finally reaches the top, jumps into the air frantically waving his front legs, and crashes into the ground, knocking himself silly. When he recovers, he slowly makes his waty to the top of the tree again, jumps and falls just as hard to the ground. This happens time and time again. Two birds were sitting at the edge of a branch, watching painfully at what was happening. At one point the female bird looks to the male and says " Honey, I think it`s time to tell our little baby that he`s adopted.

2012-01-31 00:00:00
A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack, to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry, but mostly to see the horses. When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men''s room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, helping them to direct the flow away from their clothes. As she lifted one, she couldn''t help but notice that he was bigger than the rest of the boys. Trying not to show that she was staring the teacher said, ''You must be in the 5th grade.'' ''No, ma''am'', he replied. ''I''m riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help.''

2012-01-30 00:00:00
An old Priest got sick of eveyone in his parish confessing adultery. During on Sundays sermon he told them, " If one more person confesses to adultery, I`ll Quit!" Since Everyone liked him, they decided to use a code word: "fallen". From then on, anyone who had committed adultery said they had " fallen". This satisfied the old priest and the parishioners, and everthing was fine for years, until finally the old priest passed away at the ripe old age of 93. Shortly after, the new young priest settled in, he paid a call on the mayor. The priest was quite concerned. " You have to do something about the sidewalks in this town, Mayor. You can`t believe how many people come into the confessional talking about having " fallen". The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had explained their code word to the new priest. Before the mayor could explain the priest shook his finger at the mayor and said- " I don`t know why you`re laughing; your wife fell three times last week.